i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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