your thong is hanging out like whoa
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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