I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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