is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize