So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
