I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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