remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everyone says I win the strip club
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
