I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
