well I can't set my house on fire every night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
