you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
