you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
