Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What a dumb baby whore.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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