I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
