his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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