Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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