Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They have beer where we have blood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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