woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
