So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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