If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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