One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
