she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
