Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
