Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
