that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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