i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
