is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
