Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize