I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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