I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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