oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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