I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
