I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
