I want to make a zoo with you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found puke in my bra..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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