Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
