its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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