i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
