wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
