I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
