she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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