but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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