Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
