i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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