He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
