We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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