it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
