Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
