some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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