Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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