im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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