idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize