drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
