His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
