Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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