Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
