I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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