the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
