i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
