I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
