she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
