I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
