forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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