Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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