The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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