the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
