Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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