Got a toothbrush?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
