i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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