I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize