I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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