Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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